Sunday, July 02, 2006

Day Eight: Roswell, NM to Phoenix, AZ

Mile 1791.3 -- Goodbye, Leisure Inn. We have to be in Tucson by 8PM!

Mile 1792.7 -- Leaving Roswell City Limits! Bye, Crazies!

Mile 1805.3 -- Jeff and Jon discover that Syphie abducted an alien in Roswell, and used Jollibee to transport him.

Mile 1805.6 Bessie picks a fight with Allie, the alien, raging about years of mutilation to her family.
In other news, Jeff has lost his mind.

Mile 1809.3 -- Jon swears he saw a sign about retarded brakes. Clearly, he's lost his mind as well.

Mile 1811.1 -- We're officially alone on the road.

Mile 1821.7 -- "Safety Corridor. Reduce Speed," says the sign. "Safety corridor, my ass," shouts Jon.

Mile 1856.7 -- "End Safety Corridor." Now we can kill ourselves without fear of reprisal.

Mile 1857.9 -- Disco Tacos! And the Billy the Kid Museum. No, thanks.

Mile 1859.6 -- Ruidiso, NM is super crazy. 50% off Furniture and Bears! (Even leather ones. Seriously.)

Mile 1861.4 -- J&J Bar and Country Church. Clearly, we should stop.

We don't.

There's also a J&J Mini Mart. We don't stop there, either.

Mile 1867.1 -- Jeff and Jon realize they gain an hour in Arizona. Hi, 25 hour day! The extra hour will be filled with pie in Tucson. Arizona, they realize, is already infinitely cooler than New Mexico. They hurry to get there.

Mile 1875.3 -- Right Lane Closed. Road Work. Ofcourseitis. Hurrying ceases.

Mile 1881.2 -- Bent, NM. I have no joke for that.

Mile 1891.0 -- Tularosa, NM. Why are we still in New Mexico?

Mile 1917.8 -- Desert Sand missile range. Clearly, this is not a Safety Corridor.

Mile 1919.3 -- Nancy Site. Hi, we're right here!

Mile 1959.1 -- NASA Fun Zone! This might make New Mexico less hateful....But wait! It must be some sort of trap of lame-ness! YOU'LL HAVE TO TRY HARDER, NEW MEXICO!!! YOU CAN'T FOOL US!!!

Mile 1963.9 -- But you can starve us, apparently. Hi, there's no food. Again. There is, however, an adult toy factory. No thanks.
Mile 1968.6 -- Roadrunner has no food. Just like the rest of New Mexico.

Mile 1973.1 -- Lunchbreak at Farley's!

Mile 1978.8 -- We're officially on the 10 West--the road we'll eventually take to Los Angeles.

Mile 2000 -- WEEOOOOO! 2000 Miles!!!

Mile 2000.3 -- Traffic stops. Please get us the hell out of this state.

Mile 2005.6 -- 248 Miles to Tucson!

Mile 2007.7 -- Asshat in a truck nearly kills us.

Mile 2039.1 -- Different asshat trucker tries to take us out, along with the people behind us. We will get out of New Mexico even if it kills us. We might need a new Safety Corridor.

Mile 2041.1 -- Oh my! A new Safety Corridor! Now no one's allowed to kill us!

Mile 2047.2 -- 138 Miles until "The Thing?" We agree that if The Thing is still in New Mexico, we won't stop to find out what it is.


Mile 2061.2 -- Need a vasectomy reversal? Of course you do.

Mile 2065.8 -- Safety Corridor ends. Hi, we're F'd.

Mile 2092.2 -- Detour ahead. WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE GET OUT OF NEW MEXICO?! SERIOUSLY??? WHY!!!!!!!

Mile 2097.5 -- Jon goes to jail for suggesting that you go to "Kranberries" if you have a urinary tract infection. Idiot.

Mile 2105.2 -- A rock formation has the phrase "Fraggle Rock" painted on it. New Mexico is bursting at the seems with a nightmarish level of insanity.

Mile 2106.7 -- Upon seeing a dust storm ahead, Jon shouts, "Auntie Em! It's a twister!" No wonder we're banned in China.

Mile 2120.4 -- GOODBYE, NEW MEXICO! FOREVER!!!! Hi, **ARIZONA** We looooove you!!!

Mile 2131.4 -- Thank God for Arizona/Pacific Time. Hi, it's re-three-o'clock. We're very happy to have this hour over again in a REAL state.

Mile 2185.4 -- Here's "The Thing." Thankfully. Hi, we're on E! And not the popular cable network.
Mile 2232.6 -- Tucson! In 21 Miles!

Mile 2236.9 -- It's raining. But at least it's not New Mexico.

Mile 2253.2 -- Beautiful Downtown Tucson.

Mile 2253.6 -- Lost in Beautiful Downtown Tucson. Jon: "We're not lost!" Apparently, we're simply misplaced.

Mile 2254.1 -- We're at the corner of 6th & 6th. Seriously.

Mile 2254.5 -- We arrive at the B-line. Jon nearly jizzes.

Mile 2343.9 -- Arizona = Beautiful. And so far, not so much full of crazy. And we still hate New Mexico.

Mile 2347.5 -- "Queen Creek." Jon's RIGHT HERE! And he just proved it by asking, "Could you have made a Dawson's Creek reference?"

Mile 2352.6 -- It's 102 Degrees out. Hi, my pages are singed.

Mile 2362.6 -- First sign for Los Angeles. We're not gonna! (yet)

Mile 2368.1 -- Downtown Phoenix!

Mile 2368.6 -- Jon pulls over into Church's Chicken to take an emergency potty break. Apparently, eating forty-two pies in under an hour took its toll. Sadly, he had to use the women's bathroom. No comment.

Mile 2371.5 -- Ramada Inn, Downtown Phoenix! Weooo!

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